1. |
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[part 1: an attempt to purify (intro)]
[part 2: a portrait of myself on fire]
i’m done looking in the mirror
pointing out flaws and seeing what’s wrong
can’t help but feel like i’m not myself
nor who i want to be
only thing i’d want to do
is to hatch into a new
this shell’s grown old and tired
a kindled fire is pouring through the cracks and shining bright
i’m living for this light
and staying up at night
hoping when i wake up, i’ll be changed
hidden (deep inside me)
within (just a memory)
will you (hold me tightly)
be there (help me see clearly)
and you (begin to unfurl like a rose)
see how (your pedals fall inside the prose)
we can (i write to lift you from the page)
live on (as one)
and if i fall asleep, will i (be the same?)
and if i fall asleep, will i (be the same?)
and if i fall asleep, will i (be the same?)
and if i fall asleep, will i…
and though hope can be found in the stitches of this long sleeved sweater
or the folds in this oversized tee
it’ll be a long time before i feel content
in this exquisite corpse i inhibit
i pick myself apart over and over
i buy and throw out and try on
i change and i cleanse and i paint
i dress i strip
i mark and i cut and i sob
i run away and fall
i keep trying to be
yet i am not
nor will i ever be
i thought i was done
i thought i was done
i thought i was done
i thought i was done
you left me alone
you left me alone
you left me alone
you left me alone
and if i fall asleep, will i…
and if i fall asleep, will i…
and if i fall asleep, will i…
and if i fall asleep, will i…
[part 3: …and now i’ll shed my skin (interlude)]
who are you?
i am
[part 4: in the palm of your hands]
found you in a tear-eyed mess
hidden in the subtext
unraveled you from other signs
weaving in between the lines
but if i fall asleep
will i be the same when i wake up?
in dreams we fly together
remember how it feels to run
and i’ve never felt freer than in those fields
your gaze can protect me from the tears
(i play these worn out strings
i beat on blood stained heads
i see through fractured glasses
i sing with broken teeth)
i’ll keep you hidden inside
see the world through your eyes
let you out only when
i’m all alone, and even then
i’m scared of what you’ll do to me
suffocate or set me free
smothered by your endless thoughts
of how to change and how we’ll walk
away from what we once were
and someday i’ll see you again
laying on a bed of flowers
we’ll collapse into each other
(i play these worn out strings
i beat on blood stained heads
i see through fractured glasses
i sing with broken teeth)
i feel…
[part 5: what could have been]
i feel…
i feel…
[part 6: …and then i’m gone (if i was you)]
watch you as i fall asleep
soft and beautiful, elegant, free
and you only exist in my dreams
but if i was you then it would all be okay
why can’t i be you?
i’ll grow my hair out and wear dresses too
but no matter what i do anyway
if i was you then it would all be okay, okay, okay
you’re everything i could ever be
and all that i could ever need
and if i fall asleep again
could i be you?
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2. |
ivy
04:20
|
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why waste time worrying about you anymore?
can’t you see that i’m done with you?
and why get stressed from how you’ll act when i see you next?
you won’t apologize
for the words you spoke
it’s time to cut the ropes
and all your sad mistakes
the problems you create
no self-reflection
what do you see when you look at yourself?
clearly someone who’s got it all figured out
but you don’t know anything
you just project onto everyone else
“i’m not the one who’s wrong” you say
and make it hard for me to stay
i’m entangled in your webs and you’ve pulled me in
sirens in the distance all along
oh how i’d waited to find someone like you
should have never wandered off in search of
someone who i thought was a friend, gone
find someone else to depend on
i’m entangled in your webs and you’ve pulled me in
sirens in the distance all along
oh how i’d waited to find someone like you
should have never wandered off in search of
i’m entangled in your webs and you’ve pulled me in
sirens in the distance all along
and in a moment you’ll be asking me to stay
should have never wandered off in search of
someone who i thought was a friend, gone
find someone else to depend on
and you’ll never get over
yeah, you’ll never get over it
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3. |
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when you’re alone
can you escape your mind?
a pulsating drone
within you at all times
wondering what can save you now
shattered to pieces, left to drown
silently watching you hold your breath
as you drop from the ledge and succumb to the depths
and it’s one thing to be struggling but i worry you’re just helpless
you’re either on or off, but your switch can flip at any time, without a warning or a message
and like the lone fawn in the field without its kin or warmth
at least the stars will keep you company when it gets dark
i’ve done all i can but nothing helps
cut all your ties, seclude yourself
should i leave you behind?
or watch you struggle and walk on by?
to wish for the best is nothing but a hopeless dream
in a dreamless sleep
for a sleepless life
for a lifeless husk
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4. |
and as always, parts 1-3
16:17
|
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[part 1: solitude]
incessantly thinking
resounding chambers deep within
I echo all the filth
send it back and forth
and back and forth
so i
silently drift through days
pick through these walls around me
everyone lives uncomfortably
most of the time
but i can no longer
keep to myself
until i found you
i see you in thoughts
i knew you were lost
just waiting for the sun
but hoping for the rain
[part 2: silhouettes]
if i could lose everything, i’d keep this one moment
i would have made it all just so and no different
i can feel myself gliding over you
your hair in my hands, we’re tangled together
just us and no one else
with every song i hear, you linger on my mind
silhouettes appear on my bedside
i know that you’re mine
gaze upon me with half-lidded eyes
i fall apart, collapse into you
whats the purpose of these arms if not for me to hold you?
should i reach my hand out if you aren’t there to take it?
i wanted to peel back all your layers
we lost ourselves in the arches and folds
both our crooked smiles staring back at each other
with every song i hear, you linger on my mind
silhouettes appear on my bedside
i know that you’re mine
gaze upon me with half-lidded eyes
i fall apart, collapse into you
“i love you
with my whole entire soul
and body
and being
you are so perfect and kind
you are a blessing on this earth
i am so glad i met you
just letting you know”
goodnight my love
and i wanted to take so many pictures of you
but as i look back at the few old photos of us
the ceiling light that illuminated you our first time
is now warping over the non-level film
contorting within the frames and blocking out the one face i needed to see
the smile i know all too well
and your soft black sweater the resting place for my scarred hands
the hands that only you saw the value in
the hands you love to touch
[part 3: severance]
you are alone
you’ve severed ties
i’m on the edge
i waited for you
and since you’ve gone
don’t know what i
am meant to see
except your shadow
i had a dream
of our last time
i saw your face
and sadly smiled
we locked our eyes
and rejoined hands
then i woke up
and wept and missed you
what do i get in return for what i gave to you?
emptied out to the core and rotten
once simple thoughts turned to complicated questions
left unanswered and unassured
disappeared without a trace or explanation
you took everything i had to give and threw it all aside
there’s a dead space beside me that you’ve left unfilled
and what’s the purpose of these arms if not for me to hold?
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5. |
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6. |
shine on
04:42
|
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alone again
how can you take away what’s been done?
a starry night, hands in the wind
an open road to lead us to the winding trails
could i hold the hands that
shattered me?
though if anything, you are all i’ve wanted
(here i was thinking that you were gone, losing consciousness, fading in and out of key)
(and here you were thinking that i was lost, caught in and out of thoughts, i was only wanting you to)
shine on
(hope you enjoyed all the things that we could have done)
shine on
(totality of this moment lives forever on)
after everything, i’ve only thought of you
hoping you’re alright, not knowing what to do
would i ever see the light enter your eyes?
dream of meeting you once more in moonlit skies
(here i was thinking that you were gone, losing consciousness, fading in and out of key)
(and here you were thinking that i was lost, caught in and out of thoughts, i was only wanting you to)
shine on
(hope you enjoyed all the things that we could have done)
shine on
(totality of this moment lives forever on)
shine on
(hope you enjoyed all the things that we could have done)
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7. |
headlights
07:56
|
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like chime bells ringing
calling me to come
there’s a new bird singing
saying i should run
away from here
the lights pass by
they radiate in waves
you know that i
will live another day
away from here
can you see just
how much you mean to me?
i’m not taking you for granted
or i wouldn’t have planned this
i’m holding out my hand and
waving goodbye
a warm embrace
some tears on my sleeves
sad smile on your face
before seeing you leave
away from here
can you see just
how much i need you to be
there for when i call you
to love me though i’m off to
a place where i know i’ll do
great in your eyes
so break the tiles
clear the skies
part the clouds
and shine down lights
that move across faces
and brighten the signs
on the side of the road
that shows me where to go
and although you will find that
you’re a little more lonely
the sun’s just as bright
and the raindrops are glowing
on the blades of grass
and the leaves on the trees
and on a summer morning
with a perfect breeze
look around and i’ll be at the table with you
and we’re sitting and talking, like we used to do
about plans for the future and what’s going on
the new things i’m doing and how i wrote a new song
and how these simple moments make it hard to move on
cause one day i’m with you and the next i’m gone
i'm flying
i'm flying
you’re crying
the timing
to let it all go
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8. |
patience
05:44
|
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standing up
getting used to my new life
i’ve had enough
thought I knew you but I
know
you’ve let me down again
(and again and again)
how’s it been?
have you missed me?
do you remember when
we used to be
how could i ever love you anyway?
you were doomed from the start
thinking of
meeting in the woods behind
the house we loved
the endless days
i guess the sun had to set eventually
(i guess it had to set)
how could i ever love you anyway?
you were doomed from the start
in a sea of white
you fade away into the night
i’m getting up
and starting now
i’ll have to
find a way
to stay away
keep doors closed to
shut you out
and erase
memories of
dependency
followed in your
footsteps ‘til the
path overgrew
light bending through
trees shrouded you and
i in the shade
on better days
you throw away our
past though you hurt
you’ve placed a curse
on this house that
we could’ve grown
into a home
but the cracks still show
how could i ever love you anyway?
you were doomed from the start
in a sea of white
you fade away into the night
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dark purple Washington, D.C.
indie solo project
new album "the hands you love to touch" out NOW
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