[part 1: an attempt to purify (intro)] [part 2: a portrait of myself on fire] i’m done looking in the mirror pointing out flaws and seeing what’s wrong can’t help but feel like i’m not myself nor who i want to be only thing i’d want to do is to hatch into a new this shell’s grown old and tired a kindled fire is pouring through the cracks and shining bright i’m living for this light and staying up at night hoping when i wake up, i’ll be changed hidden (deep inside me) within (just a memory) will you (hold me tightly) be there (help me see clearly) and you (begin to unfurl like a rose) see how (your pedals fall inside the prose) we can (i write to lift you from the page) live on (as one) and if i fall asleep, will i (be the same?) and if i fall asleep, will i (be the same?) and if i fall asleep, will i (be the same?) and if i fall asleep, will i… and though hope can be found in the stitches of this long sleeved sweater or the folds in this oversized tee it’ll be a long time before i feel content in this exquisite corpse i inhibit i pick myself apart over and over i buy and throw out and try on i change and i cleanse and i paint i dress i strip i mark and i cut and i sob i run away and fall i keep trying to be yet i am not nor will i ever be i thought i was done i thought i was done i thought i was done i thought i was done you left me alone you left me alone you left me alone you left me alone and if i fall asleep, will i… and if i fall asleep, will i… and if i fall asleep, will i… and if i fall asleep, will i… [part 3: …and now i’ll shed my skin (interlude)] who are you? i am [part 4: in the palm of your hands] found you in a tear-eyed mess hidden in the subtext unraveled you from other signs weaving in between the lines but if i fall asleep will i be the same when i wake up? in dreams we fly together remember how it feels to run and i’ve never felt freer than in those fields your gaze can protect me from the tears (i play these worn out strings i beat on blood stained heads i see through fractured glasses i sing with broken teeth) i’ll keep you hidden inside see the world through your eyes let you out only when i’m all alone, and even then i’m scared of what you’ll do to me suffocate or set me free smothered by your endless thoughts of how to change and how we’ll walk away from what we once were and someday i’ll see you again laying on a bed of flowers we’ll collapse into each other (i play these worn out strings i beat on blood stained heads i see through fractured glasses i sing with broken teeth) i feel… [part 5: what could have been] i feel… i feel… [part 6: …and then i’m gone (if i was you)] watch you as i fall asleep soft and beautiful, elegant, free and you only exist in my dreams but if i was you then it would all be okay why can’t i be you? i’ll grow my hair out and wear dresses too but no matter what i do anyway if i was you then it would all be okay, okay, okay you’re everything i could ever be and all that i could ever need and if i fall asleep again could i be you?

why waste time worrying about you anymore? can’t you see that i’m done with you? and why get stressed from how you’ll act when i see you next? you won’t apologize for the words you spoke it’s time to cut the ropes and all your sad mistakes the problems you create no self-reflection what do you see when you look at yourself? clearly someone who’s got it all figured out but you don’t know anything you just project onto everyone else “i’m not the one who’s wrong” you say and make it hard for me to stay i’m entangled in your webs and you’ve pulled me in sirens in the distance all along oh how i’d waited to find someone like you should have never wandered off in search of someone who i thought was a friend, gone find someone else to depend on i’m entangled in your webs and you’ve pulled me in sirens in the distance all along oh how i’d waited to find someone like you should have never wandered off in search of i’m entangled in your webs and you’ve pulled me in sirens in the distance all along and in a moment you’ll be asking me to stay should have never wandered off in search of someone who i thought was a friend, gone find someone else to depend on and you’ll never get over yeah, you’ll never get over it

when you’re alone can you escape your mind? a pulsating drone within you at all times wondering what can save you now shattered to pieces, left to drown silently watching you hold your breath as you drop from the ledge and succumb to the depths and it’s one thing to be struggling but i worry you’re just helpless you’re either on or off, but your switch can flip at any time, without a warning or a message and like the lone fawn in the field without its kin or warmth at least the stars will keep you company when it gets dark i’ve done all i can but nothing helps cut all your ties, seclude yourself should i leave you behind? or watch you struggle and walk on by? to wish for the best is nothing but a hopeless dream in a dreamless sleep for a sleepless life for a lifeless husk

[part 1: solitude] incessantly thinking resounding chambers deep within I echo all the filth send it back and forth and back and forth so i silently drift through days pick through these walls around me everyone lives uncomfortably most of the time but i can no longer keep to myself until i found you i see you in thoughts i knew you were lost just waiting for the sun but hoping for the rain [part 2: silhouettes] if i could lose everything, i’d keep this one moment i would have made it all just so and no different i can feel myself gliding over you your hair in my hands, we’re tangled together just us and no one else with every song i hear, you linger on my mind silhouettes appear on my bedside i know that you’re mine gaze upon me with half-lidded eyes i fall apart, collapse into you whats the purpose of these arms if not for me to hold you? should i reach my hand out if you aren’t there to take it? i wanted to peel back all your layers we lost ourselves in the arches and folds both our crooked smiles staring back at each other with every song i hear, you linger on my mind silhouettes appear on my bedside i know that you’re mine gaze upon me with half-lidded eyes i fall apart, collapse into you “i love you with my whole entire soul and body and being you are so perfect and kind you are a blessing on this earth i am so glad i met you just letting you know” goodnight my love and i wanted to take so many pictures of you but as i look back at the few old photos of us the ceiling light that illuminated you our first time is now warping over the non-level film contorting within the frames and blocking out the one face i needed to see the smile i know all too well and your soft black sweater the resting place for my scarred hands the hands that only you saw the value in the hands you love to touch [part 3: severance] you are alone you’ve severed ties i’m on the edge i waited for you and since you’ve gone don’t know what i am meant to see except your shadow i had a dream of our last time i saw your face and sadly smiled we locked our eyes and rejoined hands then i woke up and wept and missed you what do i get in return for what i gave to you? emptied out to the core and rotten once simple thoughts turned to complicated questions left unanswered and unassured disappeared without a trace or explanation you took everything i had to give and threw it all aside there’s a dead space beside me that you’ve left unfilled and what’s the purpose of these arms if not for me to hold?

alone again how can you take away what’s been done? a starry night, hands in the wind an open road to lead us to the winding trails could i hold the hands that shattered me? though if anything, you are all i’ve wanted (here i was thinking that you were gone, losing consciousness, fading in and out of key) (and here you were thinking that i was lost, caught in and out of thoughts, i was only wanting you to) shine on (hope you enjoyed all the things that we could have done) shine on (totality of this moment lives forever on) after everything, i’ve only thought of you hoping you’re alright, not knowing what to do would i ever see the light enter your eyes? dream of meeting you once more in moonlit skies (here i was thinking that you were gone, losing consciousness, fading in and out of key) (and here you were thinking that i was lost, caught in and out of thoughts, i was only wanting you to) shine on (hope you enjoyed all the things that we could have done) shine on (totality of this moment lives forever on) shine on (hope you enjoyed all the things that we could have done)

like chime bells ringing calling me to come there’s a new bird singing saying i should run away from here the lights pass by they radiate in waves you know that i will live another day away from here can you see just how much you mean to me? i’m not taking you for granted or i wouldn’t have planned this i’m holding out my hand and waving goodbye a warm embrace some tears on my sleeves sad smile on your face before seeing you leave away from here can you see just how much i need you to be there for when i call you to love me though i’m off to a place where i know i’ll do great in your eyes so break the tiles clear the skies part the clouds and shine down lights that move across faces and brighten the signs on the side of the road that shows me where to go and although you will find that you’re a little more lonely the sun’s just as bright and the raindrops are glowing on the blades of grass and the leaves on the trees and on a summer morning with a perfect breeze look around and i’ll be at the table with you and we’re sitting and talking, like we used to do about plans for the future and what’s going on the new things i’m doing and how i wrote a new song and how these simple moments make it hard to move on cause one day i’m with you and the next i’m gone i'm flying i'm flying you’re crying the timing to let it all go

standing up getting used to my new life i’ve had enough thought I knew you but I know you’ve let me down again (and again and again) how’s it been? have you missed me? do you remember when we used to be how could i ever love you anyway? you were doomed from the start thinking of meeting in the woods behind the house we loved the endless days i guess the sun had to set eventually (i guess it had to set) how could i ever love you anyway? you were doomed from the start in a sea of white you fade away into the night i’m getting up and starting now i’ll have to find a way to stay away keep doors closed to shut you out and erase memories of dependency followed in your footsteps ‘til the path overgrew light bending through trees shrouded you and i in the shade on better days you throw away our past though you hurt you’ve placed a curse on this house that we could’ve grown into a home but the cracks still show how could i ever love you anyway? you were doomed from the start in a sea of white you fade away into the night